Dark Humor is like Food
by elektroboot98
Summary: Not everyone gets it. Catalogued in this volume are jokes concerning topics in the world of Remnant. These are primarily intended to be black comedy jokes, so the innocent and light-hearted had best tread lightly. *PSA AT END*


**So the idea for this piece came while I was reading Rudolph Herzog's _Dead Funny: Telling Jokes in Hitler's Germany_ and from several jokes I've found concerning the Soviet Union. As a result, many of the jokes you'll find here are inspired by or borrowed from these time periods.**

 **If anyone wants to use them in his or her stories, he or she is welcome to do so, so long as credit is given. Also, if you want to add your own jokes, include them in a review or a PM.**

 **Also, I have a bit of a PSA at the end, so stick around for that.**

 **Now, onwards!**

* * *

 _The following is a brief compilation of jokes concerning the kingdom of Atlas._

* * *

 _There are jokes dating back to the times of the kingdom of Mantle and the Great War. Some poke fun at that kingdom's repressive treatment of its citizens, as evidenced by its attempt to ban the arts and self-expression._

A propaganda poster in Mantle City reads "No one should be allowed to go hungry or live in the cold!"  
A laborer observing it says to his co-worker, "So we're not even allowed to do that?"

In a prison, two inmates share their experience.  
"What did they arrest you for?" one of them asks. "Was it a political or common crime?"  
"Of course political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the Council building to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system requires replacement.' So, they gave me seven years."

* * *

 _Others from this time period concern the Mantlian Security Bureau (MSB), Mantle's secret police agency and predecessor to the present-day ASB, infamous for conducting numerous crackdowns on Mantlian citizens during the period before the Great War, particularly against artists and authors during the aforementioned ban on the arts and self-expression._

In a school, a survey was a conducted among the students. One of the questions was "Would you suggest a classification of Mantlian citizens in accordance with any criterion you may choose?"  
The son of an MSB officer answered: 'There are three categories of Mantlian people, namely, 1) those who have already been to prison; 2) those who are now in prison, and 3) those who will be in prison."

Question: Why do MSB agents operate in groups of three?  
Answer: One has to read, one has to write, and one has to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

* * *

 _Some of the more recent jokes concern the Schnee Dust Company, particularly the appalling work conditions encountered in the mines. Most mock the SDC's CEO himself, Jacques Schnee, either for his disregard of the welfare of company laborers, his inflated ego, or the general dislike many Atlesians feel for the man._

Question: What is the best way to deal with mice in the Schnee Manor?  
Answer: Put up a sign that reads "Dust Mine." Then half of the mice will die of exhaustion or asphyxiation and the rest will run away.

An Atlesian Military Officer and an SDC laborer are arguing over which organization has the stricter policies.  
The military officer says, "In the military, we aren't allowed to drink while on duty!"  
The laborer scoffs and replies, "That's nothing! In the SDC, we aren't allowed to _breathe_ while on duty!"

A middle-aged Faunus worker boards a bus after waiting for two hours in the cold Atlesian weather.  
After finding a seat next to the bus driver, she exclaims "Glory to God!"  
The bus driver turns around and says, "Ma'am, don't say that! You must say, 'Glory to Mr. Schnee!'"  
The woman replies, "Apologies, sir. I'm old and forgetful, but I will try to remember that."  
After a few seconds of silence, the woman speaks up once more. "Excuse me, sir. What should I say if, heaven forbid, Mr. Schnee should die?"  
The bus driver thinks briefly before replying, "In that case, you may say 'Glory to God.'"

Jacques Schnee is standing atop the capital city's Cross-Continental Transmit Tower with an SDC executive.  
He says to the executive, "I want to do something that will make all of our employess happy."  
The executive replies, "You could always jump."  
 _NOTE: According to our sleeper agents, SDC security guards severely beat a man who cracked this joke at work._

* * *

 _A few allude to the hard times that have fallen on the former capital city of Mantle._

A man walks into a city store and says, "You wouldn't happen to have any fish, would you?"  
The store assistant replies, "You've got it wrong–ours is a butcher shop: We wouldn't happen to have any meat.  
You're looking for the fish store across the street. _There_ , they wouldn't happen to have fish."

In Mantle, a lecturer gave a public talk entitled "Is there life in space?"  
When he finished, he asked, "Any questions?"  
"Yes. When will we have a life in Mantle?"

* * *

 _As these jokes help convey the numerous problems plaguing this wretched kingdom, it is hoped that more will be added and that we can spread these throughout Remnant to help sway public opinion against Atlas, primarily amongst Faunus, and advance the White Fang's cause._

 _-Sienna Khan_

* * *

 **I hope you all had a good laugh. If I can think of some more, I will add them. For now, you are welcome to suggest your own.**

 **Now, for the PSA.**

 **As those of you who are following me or my stories have noticed, I've been largely inactive. I haven't quit writing. I've just been too busy to find enough time to crank out new material. Most of my free time is taken up by homework, studying, typing essays, and other academic obligations. Sadly, such is the life of a college student taking 18 credit hours and majoring in Computer Science.**

 **Even as I'm writing this, I'm putting off studying for a midterm that my demonspawn of a teacher scheduled for Monday, leaving aside the fact that I'm supposed to be on FALL FUCKING BREAK! It's like he forgot what the point of a break is!**

 **As a result of my current state, work on _The Grand Admiral_ will be proceeding at a snail's pace, and that's assuming I can even find time to write in the first place.**

 **To those of you who have read, followed, and favorited my stories, I'm sorry for doing this to you. I wish I could do better, but I'm only human.**

 **Until next time, my readers, I bid you A _uf Wiedersehen_.**


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